Planning A Road Trip? For plus folks, the prospect of a "friend with benefits" is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.
She gave you a nonchalant shrug and smiled. At first, her disclosure strikes you as too much information. But then it gets you thinking: You're single , too — what could be so bad about a casual night in bed with someone you like but don't love? For plus types unwilling to walk — possibly re walk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a " friend with benefits " is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.
After all, it gets awfully lonely waiting around for "the one. Many older divorced or widowed men and women are in the same boat. They feel protective of their privacy and peace of mind, but they haven't become eunuchs or hermits. Every now and then, a familiar craving surfaces. You're probably not desperate enough to stalk your neighbors, or to go looking for friends with benefits in all the wrong places bars come to mind.
But offered a chance to reconnect with someone from your past — dinner with your high school steady, for example — you might just surprise yourself by winding up in bed. The next morning or even that night come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?
Marilyn, a year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. A few weeks later, she joined him for " a wonderful weekend " in his home state. I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be. Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things. In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
For men, the figure was 90 percent. And should they be propositioned by someone they found attractive, 48 percent of the women and 69 percent of the men said they would be tempted to have sex outside the relationship. Indeed, many surrendered to that lure in actuality: It found that 6 percent to 8 percent of singles age 50 and up were dating more than one person at a time. The same study revealed 11 percent of survey respondents were in a sexual relationship that did not involve cohabitation.
Can a casual sexual relationship exact an emotional toll? For sure, people who associate intimacy with commitment are ill-suited to sex that's as meaningful as a summer breeze; for them, the FWB arrangement would be a bad idea.
That doesn't mean all casual lovers feel emotionally bereft in the wake of a purely physical rendezvous, mind you. Many say they're getting exactly what they want and need. Pressure is high with that time limit — but it helps you quickly figure out whether that guy is worth the initial message.
Wingman lets you connect with others on your flight, giving you the chance for a sneaky in-flight get-together. We love the news and events updates too. If you want the magic of a meet-cute alongside your one night stand, Happn is a good bet. The way it works is this: It functions the same way as a match and you can strike up a conversation with them on the app.
And now, the serious bit. Meeting up with total strangers is not a risk-free exercise, and more so if the prospect of having no strings sex is on the cards. These are the best sex apps for no strings attached sex, but would you use one? THE definitive guide to no strings sex apps. This corrector is the only product that will hide my dark circles. Victoria Beckham is wearing this dress to celebrate her wedding anniversary.
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It links you up to singles who are up for sex in your postcode, but remember — the more info you put on about yourself, the more you can see about others.
Definitely helps you on your no strings sex quest, but be warned — the men we came across were of a lower quality than Blendr. An app that keeps your naked photos, belfies and sex videos safe and secure. You can only access the files if you AND the other person s involved enter passwords.
The idea behind this is that only you and your partner can watch your previous bedroom antics together. An Android app that turns your phone into a vibrator.
It can be controlled remotely by your partner, making even long distance hook-ups possible. Great if you want to find no strings sex right now. Always wanted a threesome but never known where to find that special extra someone? This app has the ease of tinder, and much like that, most of the fun lies in the swiping. This app combines selfie-taking with Netflix. What more could we possibly want in ? If a girl likes both offerings, she fires back a selfie mimicking his, opening up a chat.
Who knew taking selfies while watching Netflix could lead to so much fun? This is the app to satisfy all your kinks and fetishes.
Getting beyond the small talk it gets down to the nitty-gritty of what you want, what you really, really want. I guess the question is, how much you value your kink? Bumble calls itself a feminist app; for any matches that happen, the woman must start the chat within 24 hours, or it disappears.
Pressure is high with that time limit — but it helps you quickly figure out whether that guy is worth the initial message. Wingman lets you connect with others on your flight, giving you the chance for a sneaky in-flight get-together. We love the news and events updates too.
Now, if there is any doubt that your facial hair actually connects or that it looks good… it's time to be honest with yourself. Don't try to attempt going full-on-brawny-man if your facial hair looks more like fuzz than forest. Keep your facial hair to a nice 5 O-clock shadow that frames your face an accentuates your jawline.
Or just accept that you can't grow a beard and embrace the babyface. If you're expecting to bring a lady friend back to your place, the state of your apartment is going to be just as important as your state of dress — if not slightly more important.
Similar to your outfit, your apartment is a direct reflection of you and whether or not you're an absolute mess. So if your apartment looks like a hurricane just passed through, you have some work to do my friend…. Does your apartment remotely resemble the aftermath of a frat party?
Can you remember the last time you did dishes? How old is the food in your fridge? Are your sheets soaked in so much bodily-fluids that they're stiff? Dude, get your shit together. If you want to bring a girl back to your place, you shouldn't have to worry about losing her in a mountain of laundry or that stack of empty pizza boxes collapsing on her. If you want to get laid and have her potentially coming back for more, you need to step up your cleaning game.
Before having a girl over, or going out with the expectation of bringing a girl home, clean your fucking house. Do your dishes, or at least hide them in the dishwasher — hell, why not run it while you're at it. Put your laundry away, or at least pile it in your closet and close the door. And change your sheets, or at least make your bed and spray it with some Fabreeze.
It doesn't matter how well you dress if your apartment is destroyed. You're going to look like a slob. And it's embarrassing to hook up with a total slob. While the term "bachelor pad" sounds sexy… homes of single guys are usually a little sad looking. So it might help to scroll through Pinterest — yes, I said it. I said Pinterest — and get some decorating ideas. Obviously this isn't something you should be looking to do hours before a potential hookup opportunity, but taking some time to make your apartment look interesting and cool will help you in the long run.
Find some interesting posters, and if you already have some, put them in frames. You'd be amazed how much of a difference a frame makes. You go from college bro to distinguished young professional in seconds. Buy some candles that don't smell like a thousand flowers. There are some manly, sexy candle scents that you can find at Target or Urban Outfitters go for things with notes of tobacco and vanilla.
Buy a throw-blanket, and a couple throw-pillows for your bed. Get an interesting coffee table book or something. You'll figure it out. This show will give you a good idea of what vibe to go for and make you feel emotions you haven't felt in years. Okay, so I'm a firm believer in a guy owning some sex toys that aren't dedicated to solo male use. If you have a Fleshlight, that's a good start… but that's not going to help satisfy any lady.
You should really invest in a nice external vibrator. You can use these to heighten your masturbatory efforts when you're on your own, but you can easily use them when hooking up with a girl. Both of these are body safe, great quality, and easy to use with an unlubricated condom that's what you should use with sex toys.
And no, they aren't cheap. But you'll appreciate the investment in the long run you can get attachments for masturbating, they're totally worth it and so will any girl you hookup with. Just make sure you make it very clear to her that you are good about sterilizing the toy. Using a condom with it and having toy cleaner or one of these bad-boys handy, will allow both you and your lady friend to play with piece-of-mind knowing that your toys are nice and clean.
Having toys on hand, like vibrators, will leave the impression that you're interested in your partner's pleasure which is what every woman wants but seldom gets from a partner. When you're hoping that your night will end in a hookup, you should channel your inner boy scout and always be prepared. The last thing you want is for things to start escalating only to figure out that neither of you has a condom.
Here are a few things that you should always have on you when you're going out or hanging out with a potential hookup: When you're out, trying to woo a girl the last thing you want to do is have to worry about your breath.
Quite frankly, you don't know what your evening is going to throw at you. Yes, you want to be hookup ready, but you also don't want to have to have to worry about what drunk-food and tequila are doing to your breath. So, always keep a pack of gum on you. This way you can go about your night without worrying what your mouth might taste like later. Plus, when you're talking close, and she catches a whiff of mint — instead of beer breath — she'll definitely want to kiss you.
And when a guy suddenly smells fresh after a night out, you usually know that he's set on leaning in for that kiss. Always keep one of these in your pocket for later, because it might end up being just as important to your night as a condom. Women usually keep a hair tie around their wrist or in their purse.
However, they manage to disappear in situations when you need them the most. Hair ties seem to be the most elusive when you're getting ready to give a blowjob. Now I know that carrying one might not seem like your responsibility unless you're the kind of dude who's rocking a man bun.
In that case you have a perfect excuse as to why you have one. I wouldn't recommend wearing one around your wrist unless you have long flowing hair because having a hair tie around your wrist can be just as repelling as a wedding ring.
Girls might think that your hair tie belongs to a girlfriend and dodge you as if you were married. So keep the hair tie in your pocket. And if she asks why say that you keep on in case you get lucky. If saying that makes you feel too cocky, then say it belongs to a platonic female friend, and you just so happened to have it on you.
I don't think that a girl should be too concerned as to why you have one because it's not that uncommon for a guy to come across a hair tie in the wild. In some fraternities, they keep hair ties on them in the hopes that they get laid or in case one of their brothers get lucky. If they ask, say that you picked up the habit in college! Okay, this should be really obvious. Obviously try to keep a condom on you if you're trying to get laid… duh. But make sure to keep a few things in mind regarding condoms, like that they actually do expire.
Yes, make sure you're paying attention to the expiration date on your trusty wallet condom. If it's past the date, throw it out and swap it for a new one. Speaking of wallet condoms… that's actually not the best place to put them. Your body heat and the friction from it being kept amongst credit cards will wear the condom down. Try to keep the condom in a jacket pocket but not the same pocket as your keys!
If it looks worn down or like it could have been punctured, toss it. The best place for condoms is in cool dark places. So if you don't feel like carrying them, make sure to keep them bedside at the very least. Though it's always good to have one on you if you're going out, use your judgment.
If it looks old and tossed-around, it's probably not going to protect you from anything. Lovability's condoms are probably my absolute favorite because they're packaged in a durable container so less chance of tearing , they don't smell like Autozone, and they're packaged right-side-up which is great for trembling hands.
This next item might not seem as obvious as the others. However, it's very important. I'm a huge proponent of lube. And while lube might not be as important as condoms when it comes to safety, lube is almost vital when it comes to the actual deed. When you're doin' the do after a night out, you might have noticed that while it might be harder for you to perform it's also harder to just get it in to begin with.
Whiskey dick is a catchy phrase, but sometimes women suffer from — for lack of a better phrase — whiskey vagina. Everyone knows that when you drink you get dehydrated, but what everyone might not know is that dehydration directly effects how wet a girl can get. So if you're planning on drinking pre-hookup, it might be a good idea to keep some lube on you.
You can buy little one use packets that you can easily slip in your front pocket. Not your back pocket; that could be a disaster. If you plan on going back to yours, make sure to keep a bottle of lube in your bedside table along with all your condoms. And make sure you buy plain ol' lube. Don't buy anything that advertising a tingling sensation or that's flavored. Because "tingling" lube usually just straight up burns and flavored lube usually has glucose in it which makes it unsafe for putting it inside a vagina.
When you're trying to get laid on any given night, you have to try. Very seldom is a girl going to just fall into your lap and be willing to go home with you. So, you need to employ a few strategies when hunting for potential hookup prospects. As a dude, you're usually expected to be on the offensive when it comes to asking to hang out or hookup.
Here are a few ways to do that: When it comes to texting, no one ever wants to be the one texting first. Especially if you've been left on read or you were the last one to respond to a dying conversation. It takes some balls, but boy can it be worth it. If there's a girl in your phone who you've been flirting with or have hooked up in the past shoot her a text and hope for the best.
Send something subtly flirty and be direct with what you want. But don't be too direct; no girl wants to get a text that says something like, "hey, we should have sex". So be direct without being too candid, something like "Hey! What are you up to tonight? What are your plans for this weekend? I'd love to see you" gives off a flirty vibe without being too overtly sexual. Throw in a winky emoji or a smiley face for good measure. I know that texting first, especially double texting, can be a point of anxiety for most but if you want to get anywhere with a girl you're going to have to be okay with taking a risk.
If you're nervous about what she might say send the text and then walk away from your phone. This way you won't feel tempted to hover over your phone in anticipation. Though throwing your phone across your room will keep you from texting other potential hookups.
So cast your net wide and send a couple flirty text to try to make plans, but instead of tossing your phone into an abyss put some girls you're particularly nervous about on do not disturb. You'll be free to text other girls or scroll down Twitter without feeling too anxious about responses rolling in. Tinder, and other dating apps alike, are arguably the most reliable ways to find a hookup.
Even if girls are looking for a longterm partner on a dating app, they're usually okay with fooling around in the process. With that being said, swipe right! Log on to your favorite dating up, spruce up your profile a little bit, and go for it! Swipe right on a ton of girls. Swipe right on any girl that you would be remotely interested in sleeping with because with dating apps you have to cast your net extremely wide. Because let's be honest, you're not going to message have the girls and they're probably not going to message first.
It's harder to message first when you don't know the person. They're going to feel less obligated to reply since they don't know you.
It's hard to establish that connection with a bad pickup line and a cheesy gif. Message a large number of your matches and see if anything sparks!
Set a time to meet up at a bar or a party and see if anything catches fire in real life! Do you know a girl, but not well enough to have her number? Do you and a girl habitually like each other's tweets, but never really talk? Maybe it's time to actually talk to your WCW. There is no harm in sliding into a girl's DMs. It's less nerve-wracking then messaging a girl you already know pretty well, and you're more likely to get a response than you are by hitting on Tinder girls.
Like one of her tweets or grams and then follow it up with a compliment in her DMs. Don't be afraid to be a little more flirty than you usually would be; girls get plenty of guys sliding into their DMs, you're going to definitely need to stick out from the pack if you want a response.
If she responds, take that as a good sign and try to keep the conversation going. If you can manage to keep a conversation going in her DMs, then try to transition the conversation from online to in person by asking her if she has plans or if you could buy her a drink sometime. Now that you have initiated contact with a potential hookup, it's time to get your flirt on. If you want to get laid, you need to cultivate that connection with sincere compliments, well-timed jokes, and occasional subtly sexy innuendos.
A lot of guys are flirtatiously inept. However, a general rule of thumb is that if you're making her sincerely laugh, then you're probably doing a good job. These steps that you need to somewhat nail if you want to nail her. Flirting isn't strictly limited to what you say and the vibes you give out. Flirting is highly physical as well. Your body language says just as much about what you want as your words do. Make sure that when you're talking with your girl that you keep your body language open and inviting.
If you're sitting down, point you knees and feet at her. If you're standing make sure to stand across from her or pivot your body toward her when talking in a group. Don't cross your arms or put something physical — like a backpack or briefcase — between the two of you; these are examples of closed body language and may give the impression that you're not into her.
Another thing you should do to make sure you're giving her all the right vibes is to touch her. And no I don't mean inappropriately hopefully that'll come later.
When you're hanging out — whether you be at a bar or in private — try to make 3 points of contact. A few examples include reaching out to brush her hair away from her face, touching her hand, touching her shoulder or looping your arm with hers while walking. These points of contact should be affectionate without being overtly sexual, and purposeful. Accidentally brushing her hand with yours does not count. I'm a believer that for some alcohol is certainly liquid courage. But I'm also an active believer that for most too much alcohol is fuel for stupid decisions.
That being said, I'm not totally against drinking when trying to hookup. Sometimes a beer or two, or three is what you need to build the courage to talk to that girl at the bar or finally ask her if she wants to "get out of here". I am however against sloppy drunk hookups, especially when you're hooking up with someone for the first time. Odds are you probably don't know them very well, or if you do, you don't know them sexually at all.
Knowing and trusting someone even if it's only a little bit is important even when you're looking for a fling. So stick to wine or beer if you can't trust yourself to go overboard on the liquor. Make sure you order a glass of water in between drinks and actually drink it.
Don't worry about looking like a square when watching how much you drink; you'll look mature, cool, and collected. The last thing you want to do is have one-too-many and completely ruin your chances with a girl.
Next to humor, confidence is paramount when it comes to closing. If you don't think you're capable of closing, you're probably not going to close. Feeling confident is something everyone has to work on. It's a total fake-it-till-you-make it scenario. Even if you're insecure, you need to put on a front that you're somewhat confident. This is why grooming is so important in the hooking up equation; because even if you don't feel like the most confident man in the room, dressing well will help you get there.
Plus, no well-groomed guy is going to look like they lack in self-esteem. However, there is a huge difference between acting confident and cocky. For some, it's hard to toe that line. So when you're speaking, have a filter. Make sure that nothing coming out of your mouth sounds douchey and self-obsessed.
This is why it's important for a lot of guys to watch how much they're drinking; for a good amount of guys they become more cocky with each drink. Believe me; I understand that you want to get laid. I understand that if given the option, you'd probably want to get laid right here and right now. I understand how you might feel a sense of urgency, especially if you're in the midst of a particularly lengthy dry spell. And sex is fun.
But no what's not fun? Feeling like you're getting pressured into sex. So… don't get pushy. It's not cute, and it will do nothing to get you laid. When it comes to flirting — especially when it comes to humor — it's very important to match her tone. Let's say you have a very vulgar sense of humor and she isn't nearly as filthy as you. You're going to want to tone it down a little bit until your remarks clearly don't cause discomfort.
If you clearly make her uncomfortable with any of your jokes dirty, political, or otherwise apologize and change the topic. The same goes for being forward. You don't want to be overtly sexual with your comments and compliments if she's clearly not finding it flattering. There are ways to be forward without being explicit. That being said, there are girls who are sexual as fuck when it comes to flirting.
If you find one of those girls, congrats. If they're willing to be outright freaky in the streets, she's probably just as freaky in the sheets. Once things start getting hot and heavy, it might be difficult to figure out what to do next or how to far to go. Hooking up is a broad term. Hooking up could mean anything from getting to second base to doing anal… it just depends on your definition of the word which is important when it comes to the actual act of hooking up.
Since people have different definitions of the word and have different ideas of how far they're willing to go based on the situation, hooking up is a total gray area. So, when you're hooking up you're going to have to make a lot of sense of all the gray; you're going to have to figure out what's black and what's white. The obvious solution to this is to communicate. Don't be shy about asking what she wants from you or how far she's willing to go.
You might feel awkward about outright asking if she wants to have sex, but she'll be turned on by the fact that you actually asked. You should be golden so long as you're keeping everything safe and consensual as well as sexy, but here are a few Do's and Don'ts when it comes to dickin' her down.
Girls come in all shapes and sizes, but this tip is for all my short girls out there. Short girls never have to worry about being too tall for guys, but what they do have to worry about is being too short. So when you're making out with a shorty, make sure you're taking her height into consideration. While short girls won't mind getting with tall guys because every girl is into the tall, dark, and handsome type , they might regret their decision the next morning when their neck is completely stiff from making out standing up.
If you notice that she's craning her neck a little bit, lead her over to a couch or the bed to make your make-out sesh more comfortable.
Remember those gray areas I mentioned? This is one of them. When you're hooking up with someone new, you should be very cautious about getting rough. Yes, most people have engaged in some kind of rough sex according to blank about blank percent , but for some people, it is not their cup of tea.